Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
