just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
