Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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