Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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