Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
