He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
