i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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