I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
