We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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