Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You are the jesus of drinking
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
