i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
