Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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