She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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