i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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