the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize