yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
