I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
