I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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