Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
