So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
