So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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