those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
