party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
