i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize