there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
