Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
