me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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