Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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