Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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