After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
