just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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