Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i drank out of a bidet.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
