I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
