dude i'm inner monologue high
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
