I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
