I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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