Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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