Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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