the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
