i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
