He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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