soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
