She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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