Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
