What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
