im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Green mimosas i think yes
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
