Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
