Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
