if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
