Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
