that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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