I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
