There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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