And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
