Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
