If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
