we have officially lost it.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
