Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
