But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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