we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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