My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
