i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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