Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
