I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
