I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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