you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
