Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
