Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Randomize
