Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
