my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We named our party play list daddy issues
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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