Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
