I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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