..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize