my phone needs a breathalizer
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
