I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
