I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize