:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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