i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
