You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize