i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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